"Why do I avoid conflict?"

We all do—but not because it's hard in the moment.

Here's why we actually avoid conflict... 👇

If you ask someone why they avoid conflict, they're likely to say it's because it's unpleasant. They find the argument or debate stressful, and viscerally uncomfortable.

But that's not the real reason we avoid conflict.

The real reason we avoid conflict is that we don't know how to repair.

The lack of repair is what turns short-term ruptures into ongoing, unresolved conflicts that truly damage our relationships. When we repair, conflict can improve the relationship.

When we know that there will be no recovery or repair after the conflict, we resist conflict in the first place. We think, "better not make things worse. I can deal with this."

We stuff down and suppress what we really think, because we're afraid of the emotional toll of yet another rupture.

The lack of repair is what compounds and hurts our relationships over time, not the conflict itself.

Remember: the risk of conflict is much more palatable when you know you can recover from it.

Have you seen this in your collaborations? Reply and let me know.